‘The Advertising Executive’

…but you’ll never know the impact you had.

The past year has often felt entirely isolating…the message to ‘stay home’ and ‘social distance’ has been mentally tough to endure at points. I can often go from ‘I have this totally under control’ to ‘Oh my god how am I ever going to survive this’ all within a 10-minute time frame.

Its comical…for many years of my life I was practising ‘social distancing’, rehearsing for this moment, without even realising. I lived in a very remote location and this coupled with a lot of my own personal issues — with confidence & self-worth, — meant I always felt cut off from the wider world.

I was a by-stander, I would watch people go about their lives (seemingly living entirely in the moment) and I would feel a real sense of jealousy, frustrated that this didn’t come easily to me.

I never once considered the fact that we all go through our own battles and struggles. I was probably portraying an image to those around me that didn’t match up with how I felt on the inside. And if I had only considered that I wasn’t alone in how I was feeling…

There is something that comes with a sense of unity…that we are all in the same boat going through a historic event together. I know this sounds horrific because of the cost of the pandemic, people have gone through such immeasurable tragedy losing loved ones, jobs and battling to cope both mentally & physically, but I actually felt for the first time that I wasn’t alone.

However, I will say this, the moment our liberties were taken from us, I pined for a life filled with parties, events and a bustling social calendar…

Who did I think I was…I certainly wasn’t that person pre pandemic — I could lie to myself, but I have no doubt that when we are initially allowed to return to normality again I would grab life by the horns. In reality after the initial honeymoon period I would return to how I was before because I needed to work on myself first for any lasting change.

I didn’t come to this realisation straight away, I continued to long for my fantasy existence. However, for the first time in my life I got to spend time with my own thoughts — completely uninterrupted. There weren’t the usual feelings of ‘missing out’ or ‘not doing enough’, there was none of the usual distractions.

I had time to think.

…I’m not an anti-social person, I actually love people and learning about the lives and stories of others. Just because I’m not the first person onto the dance floor or that I feel wholly uncomfortable in large groups of ‘friends’, that doesn’t make me a lesser human.

It just means that, those situations aren’t where I thrive.

Yet I’ve come to discover I am actually a ‘people person’ and I need to engage socially to fully enjoy my life…it’s just I was previously doing that in the wrong way, to fit the mould of my peers.

I’ve always loved talking to strangers and leaning about people…we’ve all been on our own journey and we all have different stories to tell.

I’ve found that even in the midst of a pandemic there are instances where people have wanted to chat and have struck up conversation (at distance obviously), because I think we have all been hungry for connection.

I love the fact that when you wake up in the morning you never know where the day will take you…

There was a point towards the end of last year where the rules were relaxed and a few of our liberties were restored. I’d just gone through a period of feeling slightly miserable and sorry for myself…another failed budding romance & my professional life was hanging by a knife edge.

What made matters worse was my self-inflicted condemnation for feeling that way when people were actually losing loved ones, their jobs and were really struggling. I knew that in the grand scheme of things I was in a lucky position.

But again perspective.

Anyway, I decided I needed to do some Christmas shopping and actually leave the house, I walked to a shop realised it was shut and with no real clue or sense of direction I decided to jump on the next bus as it would take me to a town close to my house, with shops, that I knew I could walk back from.

I went right up to the back and nestled myself into the corner…a few stops later an older man came on (around the same age as my parents) and because of social distancing he stood in the aisle as the seats which were available to sit on (due to distancing) had been taken.

I offered him my seat, but he declined saying that he was more than happy to stand and that it was better for him. But we started to have a good back and forth.

Straight away I noticed the accent, it was incredibly like my own.

So we got to talking and realised that we had a lot of similarities…we both moved to the area in search of more opportunity and we both worked in a very similar field, the only difference was that we were at very different stages in life.

We connected about how we stay in touch with our loved ones back home, and despite moving away he told me that his friendships from his younger years had held the strongest.

I find it odd that often you can open up and have your best conversations with a stranger. A 10-minute conversation touched on all aspects of our lives.

But he said something to me… A Seneca quote had stayed with him.

‘Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.’

We both got off the bus and went our separate ways, but that stayed with me.

I had never thought about it like that…for me it flipped my whole world on its head. How could so little say so much.

I’ve always believed that I just needed lucky break, so I’ve been waiting for it to happen. To me luck is a gift.

When I have achieved anything in life, I’ve always believed that I was ‘lucky’.

Now I’m not saying that I don’t still believe in ‘luck’. But… Anytime something good has happened to me, I have always worked incredibly hard for it. When it came to sport, I would train and condition my body and when the competition came if the opportunity presented itself, and all the small details came together, I could be successful.

Yet here I was at this point in my life, disappointed that it wasn’t going in the direction that I wanted it to, sitting around waiting for it to happen. But I wasn’t doing anything to ready myself, I wasn’t trying to learn, improve or work on myself so I would be in the best place when the opportunity did arise. Both professionally and personally.

That one conversation completely shifted my mindset and I keep that quote at the forefront of my mind. I find it comforting because it eliminates all the excuses that I make for myself.

That’s not to say that I still cant be as prepared as possible and the opportunity not arise, quite the opposite, but what it is saying is that I will work on myself so I don’t let it/ or others pass me by. And by doing something…you never know where you’ll end up.

I wish I could thank that man. He doesn’t know the impact he had.

It did show me 2 things.

I’m not anti-social, I love learning from and talking to people, we all socialise and in different ways.

Secondly, sometimes its good to speak to those who aren’t so closely linked and related to us, we can often allow the words/ perspectives of strangers to affect us in a different way.